Not to take anything away from some real sharp and talented O.D.s who seem to really know practice management, but I believe I have the answers to making more greenbacks in our practice! I know what you’re most likely thinking—you’ve read my blogs in the past and found my irreverent takes on all that is sacred in the exam lane to be really nothing but total manure. Yet, that’s all a façade for the absolute genius that lies deep within my pores.

It hit me this weekend, and I could not wait to sit to down and share this pearl with all of you—or both of you, that is, who read my blog (that does not include Jill or my mom, though it does include my editor extraordinaire). The epiphany occurred as I ventured out to Vegas for a night. Now ordinarily, I live by the maxim, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas;” however … not this time.

Traveling outside of your hometown seems to always have the feel of a vacation, which I believe stimulates a synaptic euphoria that reduces our cognitive abilities to spend less: inhibtious spendus. Think about it! You make the decision to go on a vacation and you always spend more than you planned you would, right? Use my Vegas jaunt as an example. The temptations are plentiful. The hotels are all dimly lit to confuse the senses (Is it day or night?), there are no clocks, and the carpet is a regurgitation of shapes and colors to make you look straight out—not down, where you might miss a chance to spend money. They must pump some pheromone into the air that induces a psychotic spending frenzy—“Yes, that Michael Kors bag is a necessity!” Speaking of the shopping areas, hello! The faux sky with clouds that appear to move and the waves of people spending money? It becomes contagious. Curse you, Vegas, with your stores open till midnight!

Then again, what about a cruise? They give you a card that seems to just have an infinite spending ability. There are all-you-can-eat buffets to send you and your loved ones into a food coma, libations are flowing and shopping opportunities abound.

Are you following me? This is what we need to do! We need to make going to the optometrist’s office a vacation! How brilliant! My head is spinning with ideas. I am thinking grass skirts and a hibachi cooking skewers of meat by the optical. Turn the lights in the office up to 200 watts, have all the employees wear Bobbi Brown’s Beach perfume, sunglasses and hand each patient a towel (or a lei)! Better yet, have a swimsuit-optional section in the optical, perhaps? Or, the Vegas theme can be accomplished with gaming tables and an employee dress code that includes fishnet stockings and drink trays. Wait, what if you gave out “Players Cards” to patients—every time they use it in the practice, they earn points!

Now, my Vegas excursion was met with a lot of “Sure, why not, we’re on vacation.” If we could parlay that into our offices, we could easily have our patients doing all their shopping at their exam visit! Who knows, if you play it right, they’ll spend all their vacation money and more at your office!

Give me some of your vacation ideas? Dude ranch, hedonism, etc...